I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Less talking, more tequila
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
