Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
