At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
