Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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