you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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