I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
