remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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