I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
