I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
