people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
