Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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