I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
