Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
