bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i drank out of a bidet.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
