i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
