walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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