She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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