she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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