it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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