ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
