break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My pussy is not your playground.
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My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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