when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
