I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
