so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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