He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
