I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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