I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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