Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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