I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
