Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
