She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
