So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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