the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize