Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
