i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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