it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
