Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
