im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
