Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
