Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
