when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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