It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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