You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
