He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
