I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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