I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm bleeding and have questions
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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