I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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