Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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