I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
