I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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