I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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