I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
