So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
