that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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