i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
