Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He shit in the fireplace
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
