dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
