He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
