wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
