I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
