how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
