im drinking this country out of the recession.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
