we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
