I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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