I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
