Dual....:-)
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
