my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
