My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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