Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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