She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
