I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
