Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
