She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
