masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
