No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My breasts were aching with rage.
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My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sorry about my life...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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